Weekly Rant
August 20, 2001
By: Blood
With
September quickly approaching I get reminded that
youngsters are going back to school. I look back
to my school days and remember myself sitting in
history listening to one those enthralling
lectures. You know what I’m talking about, I mean
the exciting subjects like the Lend Lease Act, or
the Garfield Administration. I would sit there for
what seemed like decades wondering why I was there
while repeatedly smashing my forehead onto my desk
begging my body to let me lapse into a coma.
What does this have to do with the gaming industry
or computers you may ask? Well I’ll tell you, it’s
a known fact that the IBM 8088 was introduced
during the Garfield Administration as part of the
Lend Lease Act. At least that’s what I remember
from history class. Actually I remember on one
occasion I asked why I needed to know this stuff
and I was told by a rather insightful (if quite
dull) teacher that if we didn’t learn from the
mistakes of history we would be doomed to repeat
them.
This simple phrase has stuck with me (even if
history has not) for years. With this in mind I
move onto my next topic, the cutting edge
re-release of the IBM 8088. Actually before you
all stop reading now I’ll reveal my real topic, ad
banners. It wasn’t too long ago that all of us dot
COM’ers had delusions of grandeur and wealth.
These dreams were mostly fulfilled for some of us
with outrageous profits gleaned from ad banners.
Others were doomed to slip away into obscurity.
For some time society as a whole looked at the
internet as the new place to make an overnight
fortune. Enterprising companies saw it as......
you guessed it, another place to pester us with
useless ads! We all thought things were pretty
good. We were in control. All we had to do was sit
back and provide content while advertisers
showered us with large bills. Sadly this era came
to an end, why? I think you would find those
answers if you closely examined the Garfield
administration.
One bright and sunny morning the executives of
major companies woke up and realized they were
paying outrageous fees to have their
advertisements placed on webs sights, these same
execs also realized that people like you never
ever, ever, ever in a million years actually click
on these banners unless you spill bean dip in your
lap causing you to mis-click. Fact of the matter
is most of use would rather have hot nacho cheese
sauce poured down our shorts than waste time with
banners. Well as we know the rest is history. Most
companies pulled their banners or quit paying so
much for them and many good sites went the way of
the nacho cheese.
With the end of the old style ad banners we have
seen a who new breed of ad banners we will never
ever click on. From the 3/4 screen
banner to the ever annoying pop-up banners. I
think we would all respond to these in the same
fashion. Bring on the nacho cheese! I nearly
forgot the ever popular banner that every time you
close one six more pop-up until you finally have
to shut off your computer before it runs out of
memory. In the past we only had to worry about
these if we stumbled onto Big Earl’s House Of
Porn. Frighteningly enough I have started to see
these appear on game sites.
Now you are probably wondering if I will ever get
to telling you why ad banners and history go hand
in hand. I think we all know that ad banners are
an annoying inconvenience. The other night I
decided to take a break and spend some time with
the wife watching TV. To my dismay I have noticed
internet style ad banners sneaking into TV. I was
watching my favorite episode of the Simpsons when
a 1/3 screen ad for the following show appeared on
the screen for what seemed like an eternity.
Now don’t get me wrong, I realize that TV and
advertisements go hand in hand. My complaint is
this was in the middle of the show, not a normally
scheduled commercial break. I could only see the
top of Marge’s blue hair. Where Marge’s face
should have been was Jerry Seinfeld’s face.
Pissed off at Fox I decided to check out my old
stand by the Discovery Channel. Well as I was
enjoying the program, a little animated Nigel
Marvin (you know the shark guy) came into the
bottom corner of my TV screen and started to
advertise for his upcoming show. I was steamed.
Lets take a look at history. People don’t like
annoying banners or ads. They didn’t work on the
PC what makes advertisers think they will work any
better on TV? Didn’t we learn from history?
Instead of wanting to watch their up coming shows
I wanted to stuff Nigel Marvin so far up a shark’s
ass that I would never have to watch his show
again.
Then again maybe I am wrong. Maybe that stuff
really works. You tell me. If Luckee added an
animated mouse pointer of me doing pelvic
thrusts to the site would you be more likely to
visit? Hmm maybe that should be our next poll.
For such a rambling rant that made no sense I
think the best way to sum things up we live in a
world that is over saturated with advertisements.
Sadly we need then to keep our TV and game sites
free.
So with that in mind, please visit our sponsors,
daddy needs a new gold plated Porsche. :P
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