Weekly Rant
August 27, 2001
By: Blood
I was sitting around playing my favorite game, Quake 3 with it’s
innovative lack of storyline, and depth when I got to thinking about all the
violence in today’s games. Since three minutes into the game I
was shocked with the mind numbing repetitive run and gun antics, I
began to flash back to my trip to the North American Museum Of
Natural History a few weeks ago. I know, I know you’re all thinking,
what’s with Blood’s weird fascination with history. Well I’ll tell you....
Whenever I play any computer game (except those damn roller
coaster, or those boring SIM games which seem to be so popular) I
know I am expected to do one or two things. I am supposed to find
the biggest, baddest weapon in the game, usually with a name like
the Splat Master 3000, or the Goo Maker 200. Now these aren’t just
any weapons, most of them are shaped like giant salad shooters, or a
one of those Super Soakers water guns on Steroids. After I find the
weapon I am expected to kill stuff. Since killing stuff realistically
doesn’t seem to be fun in computer games anymore it is wholly
appropriate and expected that the Goo Maker 200 will be guaranteed
to disembowel your target and spread his intestines at least thirty feet
down the hallway. I prefer the Splat Master 3000 which will generally
reduce several targets to pulp in one shot which then spreads evenly
across the floor. Yes I realize this sounds gross but I am expected
and sworn to write only facts in my weekly rant.
With all this violence in games I have to look back through our past
and see where it all started. I blew the layers of dust off the old
history book (finding several layers of strata containing numerous
fossils, including half of what I believe may have been an ancient
bologna sandwich) and did some digging. I went back to the 60's and
saw that police officers were beating hippies (perfectly acceptable if
you ask me) I then went back through numerous wars, and came to
ancient Rome. In Rome they were too busy feeding Christians to lions
to have time to commit any acts of violence. I then went back even
further. After what seemed like an eternity of research (approximately
10 minutes, half of which I spent making microwave popcorn) I came
to the conclusion that since the very first single celled organism
crawled out of the sea some 189.2342145 billion years ago it was
probably smashed by a falling rock, and we’d have to wait another
2.34326 billion years for life to again crawl out of the sea.
Lets face it, violence is a part of life and society and has been from the dawn of time. Does that make it right? Of course not. Now lets look
at all the blame placed on violent computer games on the market. Do
games like Quake 3, Doom, Unreal, or Duke Nuk’em make kids go
out and rampage through schools with guns in hand? Of course not,
after all in my experience Quake 3 is more of a sedative.
Well what does make a kid do something stupid like shoot lots and
lots of people in real life? I know a frank discussion of the Garfield
Administration sets me off, what sets these kids off? I have played
violent games as long as I can remember. Many friends of mine have
played violent games for as long as I can remember, none of them
have gone on a rampage yet (although I think a few may be getting
close).
The big war cry among politicians and self righteous religious groups has been "Ban Violent Games Their Hurting Our Children". Granted
there have been numerous school shootings, what about the even
more plentiful shooting where adults have hosed their co-works, or
gunmen have slaughtered customers in fast food restaurants? Why
are adults blamed for being mentally unstable while teens are just
affected by violent games?
Frankly I don’t know. Do I think violent games cause these shootings? I would have to say no. I think it is a combination of many factors
including mental instability.
I look to a TV show I once watched called Jackass. I remember seeing this...... well..... jackass doing all sorts of stupid things like riding
shopping carts into traffic, and setting himself on fire. The disclaimer of the show told the audience never to try any of the stunts on the
show because if they did they would die. Well about a week later I
heard on the news that two morons had tried to do one of the stunts,
but had forgotten the all important fire extinguisher. I think we all
knew what happened then. These are the kind of people who really
should stay away from violent games, spicy foods, and any sort of
social interaction. These are the kind of stupid people who ruin things for us
all.
On a brighter note though, if they ever do ban violent games, I’m
sure we will be flooded with games like SIM Potty which will let you
see what it is like to manage your own sanitary porta-potty company. I’ll probably have to move on to cooking software.
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